I went through a breakup this week and it was tough. With MM's Daycare. I don't wish this on anyone because as a family we are traumatised. MM has been going to the same daycare since he was a tiny baby. He is now 3 years old. He knows that place inside and out and it has truly been like a second home. Until recently.

Around his birthday (in Feb) he was moved from the toddler room to the pre-school room. Around this time we started to get reports of undesirable behaviour from the daycare staff. We also got reports of undesirable behaviour from MM about the daycare staff. We thought that MM was telling us stories because he didn't like getting in trouble. We also thought that this explained why all of a sudden he didn't want to go any more and would start crying at 8am before we had even left the house.

As parents this concerned us - as did the reports of his behaviour and we took an active approach to working with the centre to provide continuity and consistency in the behaviour management strategies in order to help get MM back on track. One of the carers in his room was lovely and I could tell she genuinely cared for my son. The other one was vile and had a terrible attitude.

I would go in after work and the first carer would pull me aside and update me on MM's day- good, bad or otherwise we would discuss it in private. I would then go and collect MM from the room where carer #2 would stop reading the story to the group of children and loudly in front of children, parents and whoever else was there proceed to tell me that "MM Had a terrible day, didn't listen at all etc etc etc). On more than one occasion I shut this down with a "thanks- I have been updated" and a look- which should have spoke volumes. She never really seemed to get the hint though.

On Tuesday I wasn't feeling well. I left work early and went to pick him up from daycare. The kids from his room were all playing outside. Carer #1 was on holidays so a carer from the toddler room who used to be MM's carer before he was moved up was filling in. She pulled me aside to have a chat as she was concerned about a few things. Whilst she was filling me in on the days events I was watching MM play with the kids in his room. In the space of 10 minutes I heard the following:

"MM is naughty"
"MM is bad"
"You are a bad boy MM- we don't like bad boys"
"MM is a stupid head, MM is a Stupid Head"

The look on my son's face was heartbreaking. I have never seen him so upset. I alerted the carer I was talking to and she instantly went to take control of the situation because carer #2 was not doing anything!

As we both went over to sort it out one little girl came up to me and eagerly tried to inform me as to what was going on. "MM is bad" she told me, looking up as though I would be pleased with her for letting me know. I lost it. I told the little girl that in fact MM isn't bad- even if he doesn't always do what he is told and that actually it isn't nice to call someone bad. She looked at me in complete disbelief. As if this is the first time anyone had ever told her off for saying that. That look devastated me. I knew then that this had been going on all day -everyday. At the age of 3 my son has been labelled as "bad" and treated accordingly. These are only kids- they are getting it from somewhere and my guess is carer #2.

The carer and I took MM inside and had a talk about what had just happened. I told her what I suspected- and she said "I'd like to be able to deny it but from what I have seen this past 2 days it is true". She also verified MM's stories of being called a "crybaby" when upset (by the carer) etc.

I left the daycare and burst into tears. I called my husband crying so hard that I couldn't get the words out to actually tell him what has been going on.

I can't believe that I put my faith in them to look after my most precious being and they fucked it up. That poor kid. I also can't believe that I kept taking him there after he clearly didn't want to go anymore. I work full time- daycare is a necessity for us, but maybe I should have moved him when I knew he wasn't happy. I just honestly thought that a) they were looking after him and b) a change to a new daycare would be too traumatic.

We had yesterday at home together as I couldn't bear the thought of taking him back there. We interviewed at a new centre and he started there this morning. His first day at the new daycare was as hard as the first day EVER of daycare. Actually probably harder because on his first day ever he wasn't actually able to say "mummy please don't leave me here", I just imagined him saying it.

To be fair I should tell you that the owner of the daycare spent an awful lot of time on the phone to me yesterday telling me all of the ways it will change there. I just need to give them a month, 3 weeks - something and then if I don't see any change move. Unfortunately I know that it is futile. What I experienced Tuesday was a deal breaker. It is time to move on and start fresh.

My heart is hurting today but I am pleased to say I am staying strong. It is lunchtime and I have only called twice to check on him. So far he is being the brave little soldier I know he is.

Have you ever needed to breakup with a daycare?

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This post features some issues that rate pretty high on the embarrassment-o-meter- I am slightly blushing as I type this. I am also pretty happy that I am hiding behind this screen and don't have to look directly at you....

So, my darling husband has been telling me I do something quite horrible for a while now. This particular thing is not pretty and I don't like to admit it. As a result I have been sticking my head in the sand - whilst he has been getting more and more animated in describing the problem- which has made me more embarrassed causing me to simply burrow deeper into the sand and secretly plot ways to exact revenge for my humiliation.

Deep Breath.... and here goes. I am a snorer. There I admitted it. I snore. This statement makes me feel as feminine as I would feel had I just said 'I am a trucker named Bob'. To make matters worse- I am not just snoring. I am swimming laps in my sleep. My husband tells me that I roll over on average once every 30 seconds or so. This goes a long way toward explaining why I am waking up exhausted. I am probably getting more exercise in my sleep that I am getting the whole time I am awake (sad I know).

The swimming of laps in my sleep also means I can't keep pretending that the snoring is a figment of my husbands wild imagination. I am too exhausted NOT to do something about it. I have finally been worn down enough (worn out out enough?) to take action. I have scoured the depths of the Internet and discovered it is very likely that I have sleep apnoea (yes, thank you DR Google).

At first this led me to be very cross. I had a week or two of some  child-like tanty's and even shot out a "no you can't change the channel- YOU gave me sleep apnoea" or two. I have since come to terms with it. Actually my views on it have turned around considerably.

My change of heart came about upon discovering the causes of sleep apnoea. One of which is a deviated septum. Hmmm why does that sound familiar? I asked myself. A-ha! That's why all the supermodels and Hollywood starlets get nose jobs! To fix their deviated septums! Whooo Hoo.

I am now no longer avoiding the doctors like the plague. I am phoning up for the first available appointment. I wanna know where I sign up for my free (or at least heavily subsidised) nose job. Thank You Sleep Apnoea.

Oh if my husband asks I am off to the docs because I realise now that sleep apnoea is a potentially serious condition which can lead to other serious health problems and I am a very responsible person.

PS. It has been suggested that I am very vain and should talk to my psychologist about this next time I am there. This has been duly noted. I personally think I am seeking out the silver lining. Or making lemonade.. or hay or something...

When have you found an expected upside?

Joining in with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT.
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Some people are frightened of spiders, for some people it's the dark or even just change or the unknown. My biggest fear is mediocrity. I am frightened that somehow I will wake up one day and realise that my life has up and passed me by, and I just settled. Settled for something mediocre and dull. Settled for a life I didn't really want because it was there and it was easy.

 I almost did this when I was young and stupid (given that I am still young I'll change that to young-er and stupid-er) and I got married at 21. To an idiot. That I didn't love (I didn't fully realise this at the time- but I now know this as I am infinitely wiser). I knew deep down something wasn't right but I squished that feeling up into a little ball and shoved it into a dark cob-webby recess of my mind and ignored it. It made a few valiant attempts to be heard - like the full blown body chills the night before the wedding that even a steaming hot shower couldn't warm up (I thought I was getting the flu) or even the fact that I inexplicably started crying on the morning of the wedding and couldn't stop for about 45 minutes (the looks from my bridesmaids were priceless during that time) but I soldiered on and married I was. I endured 12 months and 2 weeks of the crapiest excuse for a marriage that I can think of (thinking that it was a life sentence- torture in itself) before I was rescued.

Knights in shining armour come in many different shapes and sizes and surprisingly mine came in the form of a young maiden- also known as my husbands girlfriend. She called me one day and told me that she thought it had gone on long enough. She had thought of saying something the day of the wedding, but thought better of it last minute. She thought maybe now after 12 months and 2 weeks of him not telling me, that maybe she should. I whole-heartedly agreed with her. And so I was set free, to try again -with lessons learnt.

I was lucky. I had made a mistake that could have landed me with a "less-than" life. I was scared of being alone because I didn't think I was strong enough or brave enough to face life on my own. I didn't think I would ever find someone to love me in a real way because I didn't yet love myself. It took my life turning on its head for me to realise that in fact I was strong- stronger than I thought possible. I was brave too and many other wonderful things that I hadn't known about myself. I was lucky that I had the opportunity to find this out. I did learn from my mistakes and I vowed never to settle again.

It is now several years later and I am married to the man of my dreams. The lead up to the wedding was a time of anticipation and joy. There were no 'cold feet' or bouts of tears- just smiles and happy thoughts (and the occasional bridezilla-esque moment). I don't see my marriage as a life sentence but as a privileged existence. I get to share my world with my best friend and overall favourite person. My marriage is a testament to fact that the benefits of being true to yourself are infinite.

I used to wish that my first marriage never happened. I never thought I would say this but  I am grateful for it. If I had been fortunate enough to sail through life and meet my beautiful husband and have the happy marriage from the outset I may never have learnt what can happen when you settle. I may have been in danger of doing it with other aspects of my life and as a result ended up with the middle of the road, boring existence that I am so scared of. Now I have a little piece of my heart, that though healed is still scarred. That scar reminds me not settle. As long as I heed its warning I know I'll live happily ever after.

What life lessons are you grateful for?

Linking up with Kate from Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday :-)

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Yep that's right mental illness. No one really wants to talk about, look at or generally admit that it exists. But I am going to write about it today because it's easier than talking about it and watching you wriggle and squirm and not really know where to look.

Also it'd be nice just to get it off my chest and not feel like you are judging me or pushing me back towards medication that I have zero desire to take. Why if it makes me feel better, you ask? Because I am not so sure it does make me feel better and it definitely doesn't make me feel like me. And also because I am allowed to HAVE A BAD WEEK. Just because I am anxious at the moment (admittedly more than the average amount) doesn't mean I am not functioning or living.

I know you feel like I am arguing semantics when I say that I am still living because all you mean is that I am not living at 'my optimum' but I beg to differ. I am getting out of bed in the morning, showering, going to work and being mummy. I do all of this despite the anxiety and I am still doing a good job. I have been in a place where my anxiety has prevented me from doing that so when I say that I am still living I AM NOT SPLITTING HAIRS. I am bloody well living and doing a good job of it.

I don't like feeling that I could be dosed up on meds or shipped off somewhere the minute that I can't be bothered plastering a smile on my face and pretending everything is peachy. Please trust me when I tell you that I am ok- it's just a bad week. Believe me when I need to see my doctor I will see him- there is no shame in that. It's just like when I have a cold- I'll deal with it myself but once it turns into the flu I'll make an appointment. You wouldn't second guess me then right?

I just read my post back and realised that if I post this then you will know that I am feeling anxious. You will know that sometimes it is really hard to deal with and you will know that I don't always feel together and in control.Now I don't know if I can post it because I don't know if I can handle the fact that you know. This is why I never want to talk about this in person. I feel like the second I tell you this you will feel like I am a different person. You won't know how to talk to me anymore. You will start looking nervously at your watch and wondering what excuse you can make to get of here in a hurry. Or worse you will decide that you need to fix me and start asking me all sorts of questions like have I seen my doctor? or wouldn't I like to talk to someone professionally about this? And then I will feel like a sick person or someone that you are sad for and not like your friend anymore.

This will make me feel like I really shouldn't have told you that. It is much easier to pretend everything is peaches (because honestly, who doesn't love peaches?).

I have decided to post it anyway because I have decided that you may feel this way sometimes too. Maybe you need someone to talk to in a non-judgy way when you feel a little bit anxious. And what kind of friend would I be if I didn't let you know that you're not alone?

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post- I really did need a vent and to be honest life isn't always amazingly awesome all of the time. This blog wouldn't be real if I only wrote about the positive things. Next time I'll try to wow you with some of the good stuff, I promise.

Piece out dudes (sorry I was watching  90210 and some of the lingo stuck- yeek that was probably harder to admit than the first bit).
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This morning I was treated to a beautiful mothers day event at MM's daycare and a very happy face when I said I would be there:

Firstly there was some time for play. It was such a treat to be able to see MM interacting with his little friends and an insight into what the average day looks like for him- whilst I am slaving away at work :-). It was lovely to see him so comfortable there and clearly having a great time:

And then there were cupcakes to decorate:

And morning tea to eat and enjoy:

But the biggest treat came in a form that I was not expecting. Some validation that can only come from people going through the same thing as you. I was afforded a rare (for me) opportunity to speak to some of the daycare mummies that have kids the same age as MM. It seems that I am not the only person experiencing the tantrums, defiance, door slamming and other generally 'not so nice' behaviour that my usually adorable son has been displaying lately. I cannot even begin to tell you the relief that I am feeling right now.

I have just been given the gift of knowing that I am NOT the worlds worst mummy, I am NOT doing absolutely everything wrong and this difficult stage WILL pass. Hallelujah!

Happy Mother's Day Mummies.

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I am trying new things this week and so for the first time ever I will be joining in with Thankful Thursday with Kate Says Stuff. When thinking of things that I am thankful for the 'no brainer' is my little man (well both my men actually but I'll focus on the little one today).

A while back I wrote a post about the 10 cutest things MM does from day to day in honour of his third birthday. I am thankful for all of those things and actually have a couple more to add to the list:

  • When you ask him what noise an elephant makes and he does the noise but also the trunk with his arm
  • When you ask him how much he loves you and he says "lil bit" with a very cheeky grin
  • The way he says my name "Ah-Rannon" (is actually Rhiannon)
  • The way he sings the spiderman song "he doo's whatever a spidey doo's" so cute!
  • The way he loves his cousins and follows them around trying to be "big".

I am thankful everyday for the joy and love that he has brought into my life and the way he can melt my heart with a single smile. I am also thankful to Kate for prompting me to write this post and "think happy thoughts".

Happy Thursday everyone - can't wait to read what you are all thankful for.
Today I have my 'serious pants' on as my husband likes to say, whenever I stop laughing at his usually funny jokes. Yesterday I wrote a fairly light hearted post about my post-wedding come down as being the reason for me feeling so flat. After careful contemplation I feel there may be more to my 'flatness' than simply grieving for my 'bride to be' status.

Mothers Day. It's everywhere. This probably isn't the worst thing in the world for most of you and to be honest since becoming a mum myself it has definitely taken on a new light in my own eyes. It's still hard though. I am not sure if I've ever mentioned this on here before or not but my mum died when I was a baby. I was three months old and she was nearly 18. It was a tragedy. It is hard to explain to someone the grief you feel over losing a mother that you can't remember. Many people assume that it is not difficult at all. That's not true - I believe the grief is different but yes it is still difficult, it is still real and it still hurts.

I haven't lost a person that I can remember, no. I haven't lost someone that used to take me places or make me laugh, brush my hair or hug me when I was sad. Except I have. Growing up I used to dream of all those things. Of someone who would listen to me about my day at school, or watch me in the school play. I dreamt of someone who would think I was wonderful no matter what I did or said or what I grew up to be. I dreamt of a mum. To rub salt in the wound (just a little), my sister had a mum. My step-mum, she was all the things to my sister that I would've liked my own mum to be. Loving, supportive (in her own way), interested. She believed my sister to be the most amazing, funny, beautiful child that was ever made. She just didn't feel the same way about me. I'm not going to go into the step-mum saga here as it is a story for another day but suffice to say that this made me long for my mum even more. Long for a different life.

Ninety-five percent of the time my mum not being around is a non issue now. Over time I have learnt to accept it as just the way it is. Every now and then though, I wake up and instead of feeling like a grown up, 28 year old mother of one, I feel a little bit like a sad, frightened, lonely five year old who is aching for her mummy. Mothers day is one of those days.
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I am experiencing the mother of all come downs. I was on a massive adrenalin high and now nothing. I've gone cold turkey off the good stuff and I have no idea what to do with myself. My wedding took over 12 months to plan- this equals 12 months of obsessing thinking about every little detail from dresses to stationary to music and now it is over.

In the three weeks since I have been married I have come up with a number of new plans to occupy myself and perhaps give myself a little hit of adrenalin... These have included but are not limited to redecorating the house, having another baby and (and this was my favourite of all favourites) buy a villa in Bali and relocate the family. Unfortunately all of these options have been vetoed by my new husband (although he did allow me one room of the house as a 'compromise').

How long does it take to get back to normal? If this goes on much longer I have been advised that we will make Kim Kardashian look like the poster child for long marriages- I am driving him crazy!

If you wanna re-live my glory days with me the photo's are here - My wedding photo's

This is my first time joining in with Jess from the Diary of a SAHM's
I think I have made it pretty clear that I am no culinary genious- however I can throw together a quick tasty meal that both Man and Child will happily devour. This little gem was tried and tested on Friday night and considered a big success in our household- therefore will probably make the regular rotation of after work meals until met with protests that they just can't eat it again :p

5 Minute Fried Rice

Sun Rice 2 Quick Cups Chicken Rice (x2)
250g Shortcut Bacon
1 Bunch spring onions 
1 cup of bean shoots
1 baby tin of baby corn
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp minced ginger
1 egg
1 tbs soy sauce
2 tbs olive oil


Heat oil in frying pan on med-high
fry off the spring onions, garlic, ginger for 1 minute
add diced bacon and cook together for 1-2 minutes
whisk egg and add to frying pan (push aside bacon and onions) to cook your omelet. Break up and mix through.
Add corn and bean shoots.
Microwave your rice 2 cups at a time for 1 minute each and then add to pan
Stir until combined and heated through.

Serve. (should serve 4 large-ish serves).

You can add more vegies to this- this is just what we had in the fridge. The verdict was 'pretty tasty- I like it' despite my husband's mocking call of "look out mum's taking shortcuts again" as I was cooking it :-)

Do you have any 5 monute meals that your family just love?

If you are looking for my IBOT post it is here - I submitted the wrong link because I am having a bad day - sorry :)

Without Further Ado....

If you are looking for my IBOT post it is here - I submitted the wrong link because I am having a bad day - sorry :)
So lovelies, I am back! And now I am married. If you happened to notice (or not- that's ok too) my absence in April it was because I was off to Bali (magical place that it is) to get married and have my honeymoon - if you can call a holiday with a three year old tyrant-in-training a honeymoon.

Now I am obviously still new at this blogging business as I very stupidly left all the photography of the trip up to others- and am now still waiting on photos to share with you all- especially of the all important wedding. The wait is nearly over though- I should have some up over the weekend along with the *wedding video* - see don't say I don't deliver :p ...

In the mean time I can share a couple of happy snaps from the holiday portion of our trip...

Fun was had by everyone...
As you can see we all enjoyed ourselves immensely. How relaxed do we look? I am fairly sure that those pretty coloured cocktails had an awful lot to do with that :-)

We also had some notable wildlife encounters... (Don't worry none of these were just 'roaming around' or anything.

Yep that is what it looks like...
Can you believe that elephant statue. Obviously I am all 'mature and shit' now that I'm married as I totally lost it laughing over that statue. This is what you are greeted with upon entering the Elephant Park in Taro. I am sure it has made for some pretty awkward family convo's over the years. We told MM they were 'playing'... We have some more cool pics with animals to come - I actually got to hold a baby Orangutan, which was totally amazing!

Well I just wanted to check in and say hi. I've missed the blog and am glad to be back! Stay tuned for the wedding pics and video next week.

P.S. Have you ever been blind sighted at a wildlife park and ended up in a 'sex' talk you had no idea you would have to have? Believe it or not this is not my first rodeo. Once at the Perth Zoo MM and I were confronted by a Baboon with a massive boner... Awkward!